by Tim Stafford

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review by Geoff Schultz

AS A CHRISTIAN FATHER, I want my four children—all of whom are under the age of eight—to know Jesus Christ, to love others, and to develop a sense of awe concerning the gift of life God has given them. Those are good goals, but then life happens. Between music lessons, sports practices, television programming, and work schedules, my family can end up merely boarding together in the same house. Maybe in your home it seems that life takes over and somehow God and values get pushed aside. I know that is true for my family, even though I am a pastor.

I am excited when anyone comes alongside and says, “I think I can help.” Tim Stafford's book Never Mind the Joneses is just such a friend. Stafford's book shows compellingly how we can use all the events and “stuff” of our lives as building blocks to develop the values we want our children to keep.

Stafford outlines fourteen core Christian values he believes are essential in the fabric of every family. At first the number alone is overwhelming, especially considering there were only ten biblical Commandments. But in reviewing the values he lists, I would not discard a single one. His first value—put God first—sets the stage for the entire book. He then includes other gems like truthfulness, concern for others, contentment, and sexual fidelity. Stafford understands the heart and spirit of Scripture very well and wisely applies it to today's family.

Each family has its own unique culture, as Stafford expertly shows. We don't have to be like every other family, or even like every family in the church. But our family's culture may not be supporting the values we claim to espouse. Stafford's intent is to give us practical ways to shape our family's culture in order to develop these values. Sports practices and decisions about television programming are indeed the training grounds to forge the values we cherish.

Some parenting guides come across as preachy. They suggest, “If you don't do it this way then you're failing your children.” Stafford's warm style suggests, “I've tried some things that worked—they might work for you.” His book is intended to prime the pump of ideas for parents. For instance, in his chapter on generosity he suggests skipping a meal or eating only beans and rice once a month and sending the money you save to a hunger program. We may not be eating beans and rice in our home, but reading this did cause me to consider ways we could intentionally cut back so we're free as a family to invest in the lives of hurting people. The chapter on sexual fidelity should be required reading for all parents who wonder when and how to have “the talk” with their children.

This book then is about raising kids on purpose. It's about intentionality. Stafford doesn't so much tell us what to do (although the book is filled with many positive suggestions); he rather invites us to think about what we're doing and to recognize that what we should do might be different from what our neighbor should do. God has given us this wonderful opportunity to impact our kids for a short time. Stafford, in as concise and practical a way as I have ever come across, has given us a guide. I will use it in my home, and as a pastor I will use it as a resource for other parents.

I took my time with this book. The length (approximately two hundred pages) and Stafford's writing style make this an easy read—but the book shouldn't be read easily. Each chapter should be thoroughly digested. As I read each chapter I took notes, wrote down ideas, and even made some plans before continuing through the book. I found every chapter to provide a gentle confrontation that caused me to consider what I could do to teach my children hard work, contentment, rest, and care for God's creation.

A book that causes us to think and change is a book worth reading. I will be reading this book again. Even if you may never mind the Joneses, I would certainly recommend spending time with Tim Stafford; your family's culture will never be the same.

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