Another September 11

I have a bad habit. Okay. I have lots of bad habits, but this one is the bad habit of measuring my life by traumas. I was 14 when my father died in a car accident. I was 16 when my sister committed suicide. I was 21 when I got married (....wait a minute...that should probably be my husband’s trauma). I was 30 when I sold all I owned and moved to Africa. I was 32 when I became a refugee from Southern Sudan. I was 36 when I had a tumor and major surgery. I was 40 when our car was stolen at gun point in Uganda. I was 44 when I left Africa and moved to Indiana. I was 46 when the planes flew into the World Trade Center. I was 48 when the Iraq war began and a month later our home was broken into and I was held hostage by an escaped prisoner. And I was 50 when Hurricane Katrina devastated the south.

Sometimes changes in my life cause trauma, but trauma always seems to change me. Sometimes it changes me physically. It always changes me emotionally and spiritually. And trauma always teaches me about life, about God and about the world where I live.

Physical trauma reminds me that I only have one body and what I eat and how I take care of myself matters not only today, but when I reach the age of my mother or my grandfather. Emotional traumas such as death and suicide teach me that relationships in my life are temporary. Words I speak and how I treat others can have a profound effect and cannot be undone when someone dies. They also remind me how painful it is to live a life with regrets and guilt for not treating everyone with dignity and respect, and not seeking that of God in everyone. Violent traumas teach me that life is difficult and being a Christian does not insulate me from loss or from horrible things happening in our world. I have the promise of Christ’s presence and have experienced that presence through some horrible moments and circumstances. The devastation of hurricanes, tsunami’s, tornados, fires, earthquakes and floods remind me material possessions shouldn’t be the focus of my life. The basics of food and shelter are a gift that many have taken away each and every day and I should be inspired to live simply so that I can help others to simply live.

It seems that any trauma in our world opens the wounds of other traumas in our past. The suffering and loss from seven years ago haunts my every September. It also reminds me of my sister’s suicide in September 37 years ago. Hurricane Katrina also haunts my Septembers. I watch and wait and pray as another hurricane threatens to undo the homes and livelihoods of lives not yet fully recovered from the trauma of Hurricane Katrina three years ago or Hurricane Gustav two weeks ago. I measure my life and our nation by yet another trauma, another loss, by more suffering.

It is time I break my bad habit of measuring life by trauma and suffering. Paul tells us in Romans 5:1-5 that: “since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character , and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” NRSV

It is time that I measure my life by the out pouring of God’s love, the hope of love and the hope of God’s spirit working through my life each day to make God’s kingdom visible to a suffering and troubled world. I should not go through another September without the remembrance of the traumas this month holds, but if I only remember and do not find faith and hope for a better world and for a better me, then I measure up short in God‘s eyes.