If God Wills

Life can change in the twinkling of an eye.

One of the things I miss from my years in Sudan is hearing the word Inshallah many times every day. It means “God willing” or “If God wills” and was used to punctuate references to the future or anything you would hope to do. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Inshallah”. “It will rain tonight, Inshallah”. “I’ll be there to collect my check, Inshallah”. “Tomorrow there will be meat in the market, Inshallah”. While I struggle at times with the theology of Inshallah, I came to appreciate the reminder many times each day that life isn’t always what we plan. Tomorrow is never a given and life can change in the twinkling of an eye.

This past month has been busy and I’ve found my mind and life way too consumed with preparations and plans for tomorrow. I know most of life is about preparing, planning and working for the future. I plan all winter for a garden and work for the day the first tomato is harvested. Then I plan for the farmers market and work to put up the harvest. I save and plan for retirement. I plan for gathered worship each Sunday. My “to do” list is endless with plans and preparations for tomorrow.

A few weeks ago, a relative of some Friends had an accident. A young woman in her late 20’s took a motorcycle trip. In the twinkling of the eye, a car came over the center line, causing this woman to swerve, hit a guard rail and fall into a ravine. She lived, but among other injuries broke a leg in over 20 places. After some time in the hospital, she is now in a nursing home healing and going through rehabilitation. Life changed for this young woman and her one year old child in a moment’s time.

Last week we had visitors from Australia, a family who worked with us in Sudan and Uganda. About 18 months ago, during alfalfa seed harvest, Russ fell off of his combine and shattered his leg below the knee in 12 places. He was still on crutches during his visit with us and although his leg is healing, it has been a slow process with incredible pain and anguish. I was blessed to see how well his family handled this event and this change in their lives. Simple things like being able to carry your toddler to bed when they fall asleep in a chair or pick up your own plate and take it from the table to the kitchen all of a sudden become impossible tasks. These last 18 months were not what Russ planned; life took on new priorities and challenges. Watching him and knowing his experience increased my prayers for this young woman who is facing monumental change she did not plan for her life and the life of her one year old child.

A few days ago, another Friend, a few years older than I, had her life change in the twinkling of an eye. She was concerned when her husband didn’t get up at his normal time to get ready to teach history in our local high School. When she went in to wake him, she discovered that he had died in his sleep. Plans for retirement, plans to enjoy their grandchildren together, and plans to spend many more years in friendship and love changed in that moment. Inshallah “If God wills”. As I prayed for this Friend all week I am reminded of the gift of tomorrow.

I spend every Wednesday morning in the local jail leading a worship service for incarcerated women. I usually only have a few women at a time but for the past 6 weeks only one woman has joined me for worship. This young woman is struggling with addictions and facing an unknown length of time in the jail for possessing a controlled substance. For weeks she’s waited for the pre-trial set for this week. The day came and went without her lawyer contacting her or meeting with her. During our time together Wednesday, she shared with me her frustration of not being involved in this pre-trial meeting. She did not know what happened in the meeting between lawyers and the judge nor did she know how much longer she will be incarcerated. In helping her work through not being in control of anything in her life or her future at this moment in time, I realized how easy it is to become so consumed with tomorrow that I miss the gift of today. To be honest, sometimes I am envious of those who don’t have to face the pressures of tomorrow. Of those who don’t have to cram as much stuff into the waking hours as possible only to realize at the end of the day that the “to do” list is longer than when the day began. My time with this young woman taught me that sometimes those without the pressures of tomorrow choose to miss the blessing of what has been given today.

During the worship service each week in the jail I go through a list of common disciplines of the Christian life. In talking about the discipline of living a prayer filled life, I remind the women how important it is to practice the presence of God, today, in this moment, in this time and in this place. Not to miss the opportunity to walk today with Christ: our present teacher, friend, Savior and Lord. Waiting for tomorrow wastes the presence of Christ today. I need to remind myself of this much too often. If all my energy, all my time and all my work is only focused on tomorrow and what might happen, what I plan to do, who I plan to see, then I miss this present moment with God. And in ignoring the present, I miss the blessing of today and the presence of Christ to teach me now.

The loss of my Friend’s husband, the change of life and focus for my Australian friend and the young woman who suffered incapacitating accidents, the endless waiting and hoping for things to be better tomorrow for my friend in jail; they all spoke to me this week. I can let tomorrow consume today. And yet I believe the essence of life is the presence and experience of God here and now. Tomorrow is only Inshallah. In the light of how easily life can change in the twinkling of an eye, I am drawn to make Inshallah more a part of my Winchester life. Life is always a balancing act of living for today and preparing for tomorrow. I want Inshallah to remind me when I spend too much time and energy preparing and working for tomorrow that I can lose today. Today is the gift I’ve been given and tomorrow is nothing but grace.