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Peacemaking Starts With Giving
03/24/09 20:44 , Categories: Uncategorized American government tends to operate on the idea that self-defense is a natural right, and many agree. American dads teach their kids to stand up for themselves in a fight. American moms argue with referees at Saturday soccer games. What are our rights? Nowadays, the list starts with life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and ends somewhere around eye for eye and tooth for tooth.
When I moved to Idaho, I had to take a test to get an Idaho driver's license. I'd been driving for five years, but I was nervous about failing the test, so I spent hours memorizing the Idaho Driver's Manual. I remember a piece of wisdom I discovered in the section on 4-way stops. The manual explained how the sequence of turns takes place. And then I read these words at the top of the next page. "Right of way is something you give, not something you take."
That day, I recognized the core message of peacemaking. It's a difficult message. It's a message we ignore at the peril of increased conflict.
Since that time I've pondered these questions:
What about people who talk behind my back and slander my reputation? I should hold them up in love, noting their positive traits and building their reputations every time I get the chance. What about those who threaten or manipulate in order to get their way? As far as it is within my power, I must give them what they need, not what I think they deserve.
The only way to make peace, the only option for diffusing conflict is to refuse engagement. If they grasp, I let go. If they accuse, I refuse to argue my defense. When they break in, I make them welcome.
Jesus lived and died this truth. I pray for courage to follow.
3 comments
You are exactly right! Thanks for bringing this truth forward, in print. It is something difficult to adopt for many Americans, but I find that the more I practice it, the better.
A friend once explained to me that a relative's invitations to conflict did not need to be accepted, that I could always RSVP a "no, thank you" to the invitation.
Shalom
Thank you for the encouragement. I was reminded of this post recently when our mayor spoke at my school, discussing a wide range of local issues as well as how students can get involved in the community. In response to a question regarding continued controversy over a proposed roundabout, the mayor said the city probably would drop the proposal. "The easiest way to win any conflict is to walk away," he said, adding that the city has so much work on its plate that it's silly to get bogged down in a fight. "Don't get engaged."
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