I never intended to Quakerize my children, as disloyal as that may sound to some. For Hal and me, our vocation as parents began at the same time as our career as missionaries, and the two were closely related. It was in 1972 that we packed up our one-year-old son David and headed off to Bolivia. Our daughter Kristin was born two years later, in the Methodist Hospital in La Paz. As we combined our new roles as parents and missionaries, we chose to focus on the kingdom of God. We would continue learning to be kingdom people, co-laboring together with God in his mission in the world. And we would raise our children with kingdom values, helping them to see the world and themselves through God’s perspective. This would, of course, include the traditions of our own faith community.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, partly because of an invitation to contribute a chapter in a book being put together for Quaker mothers. The focus of the book is on transmitting Quaker values to our kids. So I ask, “Did we actually do that?” But better than just spending time in self-reflection, we invited David and Kristin to join us. Of course, this wasn’t the first occasion we talked about growing up in Bolivia, but we this time we focused specifically on Quaker values.

We’ve concluded that, even though we didn’t intentionally emphasize Friends doctrine and practices, certain themes and life style issues run so deeply, we expressed them in our lives and did, indeed, pass them on. David and Kristin both mentioned values such as simplicity, integrity, egalitarianism (racial and cultural, as well as gender-related), communal decision-making, a holistic view of ministry, and, especially, openness to God’s word, both written and living. The specific integration of kingdom values that characterizes “Quakerness” was passed on in our home more through example than through any formal plan. At least this is what the kids tell us, and they ought to know.

The following illustration, taken from my yet unpublished chapter, may seem a bit un-Quakerly on the surface, but it demonstrates the deeper Quaker/Christian value of hearing and obeying the living Word of God.

When David was 16, some good friends of the family invited him to spend his summer vacation with them. Phil and Dave were young men in their twenties, charismatic Lutherans actively involved with a youth ministry in the lowland town of Caranavi. David looked up to them as role models. At that time the only communication between La Paz and Caranavi was by short wave radio (which we didn’t have), but we trusted our friends and saw the summer as a positive move toward independence and possibly a good discipleship experience for David.

About a month into the summer, we received a call to go to the Lutheran guest house in town for radio contact with Caranavi. Our friend Dave spoke with us first, explaining that David was feeling lead by God to be baptized in the Caranavi River, along with a group of new believers. Dave wanted our permission, knowing and respecting our Quaker position on the sacraments.

As we then spoke with David himself, it became clear that his Caranavi adventure was proving to be a time of growth and deepening personal commitment. His desire for water baptism reflected his understanding of Scripture at the time and his decision to follow Jesus’ example in everything, including the experience of baptism.

It was one of those moments where, in what could have been a difficult decision, Hal and I were able to quickly discern the voice of Jesus speaking to us. We gave our consent.

In retrospect, it was a good decision. This was an important step for David in affirming his own relationship with Jesus, and it demonstrated our faith that God speaks to him and leads him. Today David affirms the Quaker view of the spiritual nature of the sacraments, with no imperative for a particular formality. But he is also a missionary in partnership with the Rwandan Friends Church where water baptism remains an option. Because of the importance of symbols in the local culture, most Rwandan Friends choose this outward sign. Perhaps David’s own experience prepared him to empathetically relate to Rwandan Friends, even as he teaches on the reality behind the ritual.

But this experience goes beyond passing on—or not—the Quaker view of the sacraments. It underscores the deeper Quaker/Christian value of the primacy of hearing and responding to the voice of Jesus in the particularity of life here and now. Jesus lives among us. Our friend and teacher, he speaks with us. As we talk over together what we sense him saying, and as we measure everything by his written word, we grow in our ability to discern his voice and obey. What better place than the family, in the middle of all the ordinariness of life, for children to experience this reality.

Hal and I were not perfect parents and did our share of floundering, agonizing and even, at times, asking pardon of our kids. We were certainly not the perfect Quaker parents, whoever those might be. Looking back we wish we had told more Quaker stories and more intentionally discussed the distinctives. George Fox University picked up some of the slack in that area. We’re also very aware of God’s grace in guiding our children to adulthood and their own mature faith in Jesus.

In conclusion, I would draw attention to the importance of placing the values of any particular faith community within the greater context of the church and the kingdom of God. Particularity is important because we are finite human beings and need relationships. We need to be part of particular family, and I thank God for my family, the family of Friends. But we are only one part of a greater reality, the people of God from all nations, cultures, traditions, and times. Children can understand this. And it’s in this light that I wonder how much we should emphasize passing on Quaker values.

In response to my last Barclay Press blog (“A Tale of Two Journeys: Vignettes of the Church Around the World”), my friend Mary (a Mennonite) reflected on the metaphor of the church being a bright diamond, with the different faith communities representing facets. She asked, “Is it important that each denomination or culture remain vibrant and clear in its emphases for that group to contribute to the brightness? Would the diamond have a dull side otherwise? I ask because it seems that relativism is threatening many groups. Can we be united when maintaining our views clearly?” Following this question comes another: Is it important that we specifically pass on Quaker values to our children (or the values of any particularity community), or should we focus on the larger Christian reality? Just wondering.